pondering the wonders.

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:28:00 GMT

i felt so bad, i know i am hurting you all along.
i dont know what else i can do to make you feel better.
we seem as if we are not even close at all.
is that a mistake?
or its just a way to let us see what we had been doing all along?
i dont want it to be like this but seriously, everything is not within my control anymore.

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 04:08:07 GMT

i am trying my best not to get tempted. i am trying very hard to stop thinking and trying hard to lead my life as usual.

Things that i have to complete by next week:
1. pack my room
2. start to read all magazines
3. clear my cupboard of clothes
4. shop and shop

there wont be any trainings for two weeks but some of the people in the team are still going ahead with training in the evening and yes, MSN wont be going.

i just feel like rowing and nothing else.

twist drop pull
long pull
harder, longer
lai ya
push push push

see how much i love rowing. damn it, i cant row for two weeks.

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:48:14 GMT

~~i wanna pour everything out, i feel damn shit, i feel damn loser.~~

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:43:59 GMT

went town to catch up with ukei in the afternoon.
settled down at bakerzin and we had alot of food, like 2 set meals, 2 cups of coffee and 2 slices of cakes.
i can only say the cakes were good but the food was alrighty.
slacked till 5plus then we decided to walk around.
settled for presents and she came over to my house for some food before taking cab home.

i managed to let her know what's going on in my life, like telling her almost every single thing that had happened to me, be it good or bad. and it feels damn good to let out everything.

i still need time but i dont know how long i will take.
i know i am selfish, like very but i seriously cant help it.
i feel damn guilty.
i wanna stop thinking about everything that's bothering me and i want my old life back.
i am trying very hard to control whatever it is in my brain and heart.
i cant wait for sheryl to be back, i wanna tell her everything. i miss her like crazy.
i need some listening ears and shoulders.
i fucking feel like breaking down
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
damn it, i am starting to type nonsense here.

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 05:49:46 GMT

i am feeling so bored, like seriously.
after coming back from penang, there seems to be no training and what the hell, i feel damn free.
damn contradicting i know.
i can just sit in front of my laptop for the whole day and i dont even know what i am doing.
i am supposed to meet ukei in town in about 1hrs' time but i am seriously not moving my butt at all.

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 05:43:29 GMT

I AM BACK FROM PENANG!
it rocks! hahaha

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:11:44 GMT

i feel dumb,
i am used to everything that you do, and now, you started all this crap on me.
maybe its just a temporary thingy, maybe you didnt even think that it will have any effect on me, but it did.
i hate it when people are treating me like this, like taking me for granted?! like hellooooooooooooo! as if i am going to be here for them like forever and ever.
damn it.
and the feeling of waiting sucks to the max please.

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:14:09 GMT

"Mad"

Oooo oooo oooo
Oooo oooo ummm

She's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking
Ummm Nobody's talking, cause' talking just turns into screaming (Oooo)
And now yes I'm yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what's even worse, that we don't even remember why we're fighting

So both of us are mad for nothing, (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing, (oohh)

When we won't let it go for nothing, (come back for)
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby

I know some times it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed, mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Umm
and it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing
(asking questions like you already know)
hey we're fighting this war when both of us are losing
(this ain't the way that love is supposed to go, whatever happened to working it out?)
We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?

So both of us are mad for nothing, (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing... (oohh)

When we won't let it go for nothing,
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby

I know some times it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)

Oh baby this love ain't gone be perfect, (perfect perfect oh no)
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight long as everything is alright between us before we go to sleep...

Baby we're gonna be...

Yah.... Baby....

ohhhh....ohhhh

I know some times it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo, nooo, noo)

i dont know what i want exactly.
this is making me crazy cos its as if i am standing at some cross roads and i have to decide where i'm heading to.
there's lots of distractions and its damn tempting, really, i cant decide.
its as if both of us are really very tired especially after yesterday and we dont want to care about anything, anymore.

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:07:20 GMT

so tmr night, all of us will be meeting in sim at 8pm for our long waited penang trip! i think its gonna be damn fun cos after regatta, the team gets to bond more with each other and this time, we are going to be there for 5 days, imagine days where we will see each other almost every day? even though this is almost what happened to us when we are in singapore, we can see each other almost every single day, in school or in training, ha. but this time, we are going to sleep together, enjoy together and yes, row together! ha.

AND I HAVEN EVEN START PACKING YET. HOW RIGHT. hahaha

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 08:12:15 GMT

SENTOSA WAS GREAT!
will post pictures soon once i uploaded and get it from others!
:D

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 15:17:45 GMT

went back to the doctor for review today, its getting better but i am not recovered fully. in the end i got the same medications and paid 48bucks for it. like what the fuck right.
training was crazy cos there's no training tmr cos the whole team will be going Sentosa!!!! i cant wait!
so after training, N&S went off and i went marina square with lisa, chiam to meet up with the rest. shopped awhile before edrea head back home, the rest of just wanna sit down and slack. walked to millenia walk and choose coffee club, had tons of food, cakes and bk too! ha. chat around for a few hours with clement, lisa, chiam, joshua, yawen till 10plus before we decided to head home. was a rather fun day though just that i seriously dont feel like going back home so early.

for the past few days, i just dont feel like going back early. how right. tan meitong doesnt wants to go home that early when she's such a homely person. i dont know what's happening but when night comes, i feel damn sian.

ARGH! i better not think anymore!

SENTOSA, HERE I COME!!!!! :D

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 02:21:26 GMT

these 2 days were spending time in town with nic.
was busy shopping for our penang trip!

ha, went town before training on thursday, bumped into weiyin and we went school together.
training was hiong cos terence took over and the ladies team had to run 9 rounds around the np track and 9 sets of exercises.
i felt shit cos 6 of us were late and we ended up running for 5 rounds and did 5 sets of exercises and i was about to cmi already, so how about the rest who did every single sets together?
i felt damn demoralized cos running is not my forte at all and i am always feeling fucking stress about running.

after 9 rounds, all of us went back to SIM for our pre-penang trip briefing!
training was only 1hr but everyone felt real shag.
luckily the briefing was rather fun!
we got to know who we are going to share room with and etc.
well, i think out of MSN, i got the better room mates compared. and i guess everyone's gonna crash our room like crazy.
die, confirm the room will be messy to the max.
were supposed to conduct bidding for the sittings in the bus and right, because of the opinions given by guys, seatings will be allocated by the captains.
you should see how the guys were happily chatting about all these and all the girls were giving the very sian look. haha.
hopefully MSN will be in the same bus! pray please.

and we will be having this exchanging present and encouragement letter on the 5th, when we are in penang.
so everyone's supposed to pick out names of their mortals from one box and we will have to buy christmas present and write some encouragement notes to them.
at the end of the day, the mortals will have to guess who's their angel, if they guess correctly, angel will be doing forfeit.
please, i dont want to be guess correctly. ha. i dont wanna do forfeit.
MSN's mortals are rather alright and ha, should also look at everyone's face when they saw the names on the paper,
'fuck, damn it, shit ,arggggghh' were coming out from them.
hahahahaha. damn hilarious.
had dinner with N&S and terence at potong pasir after that and we headed home.

went town to meet nicole after her rebonding session.
walked around and get the presents, and i still cant find any shorts, there's sales like everywhere and i am officially broke.
every single cent i had saved for the past few months are gone within 2 days. how nice.
in the end, sharon didnt join us and nic had to leave cos she's having dinner with her family.
so, i joined ukei and thomas for awhile first before heading home.

i thought i was fine.
i thought i was having fun in my life.
i thought i was used to it, until i went town, on the bus ride back home, i find that its totally not right at all.
yes, things are keeping me occupied, i hasnt been thinking much recently, but when i am alone and i am doing all those stuffs which we had always been doing, everything's started to thumble down on me.

i feel weak and i hate myself for feeling like this.
ya, dont think too much, dont think about it, just let it be...
its easy to say, its easy to think about this, but its not easy for me to do all these.
everything will start coming down, suddenly, for no reason.
its 4 years, not 4 months, not 4 days and obviously not 4 minutes.
i am so used to it, i am.

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 04:31:09 GMT

the guys team

the captain and vice cap of the ladies team!
jocelyn and lisa!

the ladies team and coach!

coach and the juniors

the ex captain and vice cap

look at the tons of bags and belongings at siam kitchen (the place where we had our after race dinner)

look at this tiny eye boy who loves dexter! haha

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 01:46:24 GMT

i dont understand how can someone be so devoted to another.
there's this 2 people who had known each other for years, they decided to get together,
but they spilt up because of some differences.
they remained as friends for years but the guy is still waiting for her.
they got back again after a few years, but spilt up because they are really not meant to be together.
the guy continues to wait, till now and now, the girl might be getting attached and the guy will congratulate her.
how right.

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:38:39 GMT

today, i went to trim and highlight my hair at roxy square!
haven been cutting my hair since may, during my graduation from tp. ha.
and yeah, thanks to the recommendation by von, the stylist was rather nice...
i think next time i also wanna cut my hair over there! its cheap and its rather nice too.
so after the hair cut, i went parkway to walk around, bought 3 books, 1 magazine, 1 top and 1 dress from topshop!
ha, so happy even though i really spend alot today! ha

YEAH, SHOPPING MAKES MY DAY!
and i am going to shop again with nic before training tmr!
:D

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:43:47 GMT

regatta's over!
and even though the ladies team didnt do well as expected, but the guys team did very well.
it was a very fun experience though.

on the first day, being the advance party, MSN and the rest went there real early.
but we didnt really help much, ha. its all the guys who were pitching those tents and carrying drinks.
one whole group of us then walked to the nearby temple and pray.
after the whole team went for a slow jog and warm up, all of us started to get prepared for the races.

ladies got second in the heats, for opens.
we lost in IVP and it was rather demoralizing cos all of us thought we will be able to make it.
after which, we cheered for the guys and etc.
the last few races of the days were mixed and we lost too.

weiyin, MSN, clement and mel took train to tampines to look for alicia.
met up with the rest of the team over there.
chat and slacked around there and after which, some of us went century square for dinner.
went home after that and k.o.

sunday, gotta reach early for the advance party but we didnt get a nice spot this time.
as usual, slow jog and warm up.
went down for the heats, and we lost.
even though i know it was hard cos the other teams in this heats were stong, i thought we will still be able to make it.
the guys did very well for their first race, they got first and after which, all ladies stayed and cheered for their subsequent races.

after everything ended, we went siam kitchen for dinner with the team, about 40 people turned up.
we were damn loud and people ended up complaining.ha.
so we decided to go somewhere else, but before that, we went to the fountain for some group pictures.
we ended up taking lots of pictures for 1hr plus at the fountain and we went home after that!
all of us were laughing like crazy and enjoying ourselves to the max.
it was real fun and crazy, everyone's damn shag but yes, cam whoring can make us happy!

there's tons of photos and i guess i will be posting a few over here later.
there's tons of pictures in fb now.
we tagged and uploaded the photos like crazy, and i guess there were about 1000plus pictures for regatta!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

WE WILL BE BACK FOR THE NEXT REGATTA AND NOT FORGETTING JUNE RACE! :D

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 05:35:58 GMT

i need a break from everything.
i am so tired of feeling like shit and keeping myself occupied by school and trainings.
it doesnt really help cos i will feel damn empty, like once in awhile...
i want to take a break from everything, to know what i want exactly.

i know i am just leaving things there and stop myself from thinking about it.
i am feeling damn shit now.
yes, shit.

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 05:30:40 GMT

"Lucky"
(feat. Colbie Caillat)

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

i'm hooked to this song.

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 15:55:45 GMT

i am feeling so shit.
i doubt i will be able to sleep tonight.

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 15:18:34 GMT

i dont know why i am always being affected by the things that you do.
i am always the one following you and i am seriously fucking tired of it.
you are the one who initiated all these and yet, you can just contact me as and when you like, when you didnt even clear up all your thoughts at all.
i am sick and tired of being affected so much by you when your feelings or thoughts will not even get stirred up by me, not at even by the slightest thing from me.
i dont wanna be there anymore, i dont wanna be so weak.
and i am feeling fucking contradicted now.
and contradicted is a fucking understatement.

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 03:06:53 GMT

omg, i am chatting with sheryl online
and yes, i became super high after she said something that can make me high to the max!
haahahha!
that sentence can really make my day!

:D:D:D:D:D

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:19:40 GMT

i felt damn shit when i can finally sleep but i was being woken up by this bunch of kids shouting and playing at the carpark. they woke me up after i slept for half an hour...and now when i am awake, they stopped playing! how right.

today's supposed to be a very relaxing day where there's no training, no school. the whole team is supposed to be resting and relax ourselves till saturday and sunday. has been ages since i felt so free before. i can do anything i want, there's no need to touch any notes cos there's no tests and etc....i feel damn free and nice....... :D

and knowing that sharon is also feeling weird not seeing N & me really makes my day! ha! yes, i know, both of them will say, i can laugh at the slighest and smallest thing, like again! :P

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:29:27 GMT

- i am excited and kinda nervous for the regatta on saturday and sunday!

- i will do my best for the race!

- i am damn high now!

- i cant wait for next week, where everything's going to be over!

- and i cant wait to shop and relax myself!

- i am soooo happy now cos there's no training and there's no test or whatsoever that will be bothering me!

- one thing that can make me feel down : i haven been sleeping well for the past 1 week. i can just wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning and i cant sleep anymore. :(:(:(:(

- i cant wait for christmas!

- i miss mashy!

- i wont be seeing N & S today, after seeing them almost 24/7 everyday and i feel like weird?! ha.

& the main point is, i feel sooooooooooo happy and high now!!!!

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:23:43 GMT

yesterday's training was alright! at least not as tedious as the previous days. went to eat with N & S after training and we saw coach, chatted for awhile before heading home. i hope our morale is going to hold there and yes, we will definitely make it after 2 months of intensity trainings! there's pre-race briefing after class tomorrow and i bet everyone must be feeling kinda excited and nervous! and i think we are going to receive our new team shirt and our windbreaker! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D i cant wait!!!!

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 15:02:22 GMT

went training early in the morning, supposed to end in 2hrs, but it ended late, like as usual. all of us tried our best to keep the 2 heavy boats, ha, its damn hilarious cos of all the screamings and shouting we did while we pushed the boat. nicole and sharon accompanied me to parkway after that to get some stuffs and get a new grip for the paddle, went back to school for lesson and yes, everything's finally over. two long days of trainings and classes finally ended! will be having the last training with the guys tomorrow before regatta on saturday and sunday. and i think its gotta be damn hiong...

i am feeling abit stressed up about the river regatta coming up.......

and and, nicole, sharon and i are know as MSN in the team! how right.